Guest Post

Small things are notoriously difficult for men to notice. It’s not that we’re unconcerned; it’s that we’re not paying attention to what’s going on. Don’t hold it against us, but it’s a wonder we remember things like your face, let alone that the blue shirt you’re wearing isn’t the same blue shirt we’ve seen you wear before. Here are 10 things you shouldn’t be upset about because we didn’t notice:

1. When you’ve purchased a new purse. It’s similar to the previous thing where you put a bunch of things in, but it’s a different color. In our opinion, all handbags appear to be the same.

2. Legs, shaven or not. We probably won’t notice if you have a little stubble on your legs unless you’re approaching us like Sasquatch.

3. When you’re not wearing any makeup. Women seldom believe it, but we don’t always notice when you’re not wearing makeup. We don’t have any. Then we’re chastised for lying. One of life’s greatest mysteries is this.

4. A new pair of shoes. We never gaze below the knees of anyone. This is a proven fact.

5. Cellulite. Everyone is harsher on their own bodies. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen cellulite, but the several times I’ve been labeled a liar suggest otherwise.

6. When your clothes are covered in lint. This would necessitate our paying attention to “details.”

7. When you get a new hairstyle. We won’t notice your hair is half an inch shorter unless you shaved your head.

8. Dark circles around the eyes. Sorry for becoming lost in the huge and gorgeous wilderness of your eyes, which are deep pools of longing, and not noting that you are fatigued. 

9. A new lipstick hue. There’s a tint called “red lipstick.” That is the only lipstick color I am aware of. I have no idea what the other colors are, but they aren’t real.

10. A new pair of pants. We can’t tell the difference between our own and your jeans, to say nothing of yours.